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Friday, January 13, 2012

The Beginning

I have been very hesitant to share my story on the blog.  At first I chalked it up to not wanting the blog to be about me and my experiences, but wanting the blog to be about helping others going through the pain of infertility. As time as gone on I have discovered that a lot of my hesitation is instead from my fear of being vulnerable.  I had to come to grips with the reasons that I first felt called to start this blog and how I wanted to be open and honest to all who would read it and hopefully learn something from it.  So I will start telling the first part of my story and I hope and pray it helps some of you.

My husband, Darren and I met my Sophomore year of college, I was 19 and he was 26.  We met through a mutual friend and attended a Singles Bible Study led by our now Pastor.  I knew when I met Darren that there was something very different and special about him.  I was not a big dater in high school or college and had only had one serious boyfriend before meeting Darren, so for me to know there was something different about this guy was very unusual.  We dated for a little over a year before Darren asked me to marry him and after being engaged for a year and a half we were married.  We did pre-marital counseling with our friend who married us, but never dreamed of what our future would hold. 

After being married for almost 2 years Darren and I decided we were ready to enter the world of parenthood.  With lots of prayers, fears and anxiety we began the process of trying to get pregnant and 4 months later I discovered that I was happily pregnant!  We never knew at this time what a true miracle this was or how special this only pregnancy would be.   I had a very normal pregnancy until we went to our ultrasound at 19 weeks.  We went that day and heard all the normal things and heard that things look good and we learned that we were having a girl!  I was over the moon excited and felt so glad seeing our little girl on screen for the very first time.  A few days after our ultrasound I received a call from my doctor while I was at work with some very disturbing news. It was one of those life-changing moments where I can still picture what I was wearing and where I was standing. They believed that after further review of our ultrasound that my beautiful little girl had a severe birth defect in her brain and that it was possibly hydrocephalus.  We were referred to a high-risk pregnancy center and were told to expect the worse.  My regular doctor even recommended an abortion and I was livid at this suggestion and told her that no matter what the future held an abortion was not an option for us.  Throughout all of this, I felt closer to God and felt such an amazing amount of unexplainable peace that I really believed we would get through this.  I also prayed harder than I had ever had, all the while believing she would be okay. We went to the high-risk pregnancy clinic and after an ultrasound we were informed it was not hydrocephalus, but was choroid plexus cysts http://www.babyzone.com/pregnancy/health_wellness/prenatal_tests/ultrasound/article/choroid-plexus-cyst.  These cysts don't normally cause harm, but can sometimes be the precursor for other genetic diseases.  Based on these findings, an amniocentesis was done and I was scheduled to come back in for many more ultrasounds.  After my amniocentesis I started bleeding and feared I was having a miscarriage.  After a trip to the hospital I was informed that she was fine, but I made a few more trips to the hospital with bleeding, so it was a constant emotional roller-coaster.  At 31 weeks, we went back for yet another ultrasound and were told the cysts were gone and all the tests had come back completely normal.  We felt like our prayers had been answered and that this child was even more of a blessing. 

On March 10, 2004, Kaitlyn Grace Currin came into our lives.  She was the most beautiful, easy-going, loving child from the beginning (she is very stubborn like her Mom though).  Our lives were changed that day and the miracle that God had given us was there for us to hold in our arms.  We were parents, we were a little family and we felt very blessed!

So obviously, I am going to add more to our story very soon, but I do believe that our daughter is a big part of our story and therefore this is a good stopping point.  I feel everyday that God gave me a true miracle and as I add to the story you will understand this more.  I know some of you may be reading this and you have been unable to have any children, so I hope that this part of my story, even though it may not be applicable for you right now, will not turn you off from reading more.  For those of you who have been unable to have or adopt any children, my burden for you is heavier and I pray for you each day to have the grace to take life a day at a time and survive this tough road you have been given to travel.